Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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