I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
