i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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