HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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