I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
