He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
