Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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