You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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