i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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