I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
