I'm going to jail i love you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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