worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
