i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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