I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
