haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
