hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
they're like a gay fantastic four
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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