Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
