Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
