I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
