I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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