maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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