Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
