Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
