last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
