thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
