i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
