all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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