im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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