Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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