I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
