I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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