I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
