So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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