why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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