Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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