i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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