I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
