Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
