i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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