careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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