I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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