Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
