so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
