YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
