just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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