you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
