I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
