I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
