Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hippo gnu deer
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
