Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
