He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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