What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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