Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
